Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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