The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
