i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
