Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
