i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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