the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
