just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dicks are not precious.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
