So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
