i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
