His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
