i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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