i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
