I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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