reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
the raccoons are back...
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