You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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