Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
