i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
