i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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