my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
