So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
