can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
