They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
