Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
