omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
