I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
