chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
