Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
