I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
