I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
