Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
