they need to just BURY HIM!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
