i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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