Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
