my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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