My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
