go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
