i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
