im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
