3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
