just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
