I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
