i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
