i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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