I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
