first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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