Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
