last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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