Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
