I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
