I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
