I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
