pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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