So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
