You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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