So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
