I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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