I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
