Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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