Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
